As a single woman, social media often feeds me posts and reels about the benefits of being single. Influencers sing the praises of alone time – the time for self-care or development of one’s interests, the silence, the space for emotional regulation. This is true: I do enjoy my alone time. But I often wonder about the long-term impact of singleness - of being alone – and what that solitude might be costing me.
Singlehood is the fastest-growing household type. More people are living alone, travelling alone, or dining alone. Since my magical solo trip to Rome last year (insert link), I’ve taken to sitting at a local Italian deli for a weekly cappuccino and pastry after an early morning on my own. I cherish these times, and I don’t feel uneasy about sitting alone.
I don’t think single people should feel guilty about enjoying their alone time, nor should they feel pressure to seek a partner.
However, we are conducting a large-scale historical experiment by living alone. We should also be cautious about assuming it can offer the same long-term benefits as living as couples or communally. At the very least, we must admit that there is a limit to the benefits of singleness.
From an evolutionary perspective, there have always been reasons why people paired up or lived in tribes. Historically, it made sense for protection, procreation, and the survival of the tribe. It also made financial sense. Women needed men for provision, and for much of history, marriage was predominantly a financial arrangement.
Although things have changed for most women, many societies are still structured around couples. The cost of property and education often assumes dual incomes. There are also financial hurdles that are more easily absorbed by a household with multiple incomes.
Two or more people have a statistically higher probability of achieving financial security by having multiple income streams and pooling their resources, time, talent, and energy. In an increasingly uncertain world, limiting your financial prospects to a single resource pool is becoming a riskier financial decision.
One way to address this risk is to challenge the assumption that singleness must mean living alone. Creative living arrangements can solve many of the challenges. Purpose-built communes or villages shouldn’t be limited to retirees.
All that time and space for self-care may stand in the way of financial security if it is also paired with too much self-reliance. Pooling resources shouldn’t be seen as a failure of financial independence, but rather, a wiser and more sustainable approach to building long-term financial security.
Kind regards,
Sunél